I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
