i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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