I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why did my mother make you get naked?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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