the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
