My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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