6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
