My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
