i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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