He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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