Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
