Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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