DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
