Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i will never coherently bang her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
