I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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