In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
