Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
