census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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