my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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