i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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