Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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