Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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