I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
