Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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