I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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