i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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