just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
