She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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