there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
