so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
