You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
