She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
