Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My life is pants optional.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
