dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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