we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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