Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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