Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
