i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
