he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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