What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
