I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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