does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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