Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
