Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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