Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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