Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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