My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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