Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
