If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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