things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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