MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
