I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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