I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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