i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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