I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
one two three fourrrrnication!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have aggressive nipples.
A bitchslap is in order.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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