Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(870): View more from Arkansas

You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.

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(254): View more from Texas

You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

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(404): View more from Georgia

Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(614): View more from Ohio

I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk

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(847): View more from Illinois

This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.

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(509): View more from Washington

Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..

(360): View more from Washington

Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.

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