I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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