you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive