Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.