I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
