What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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