Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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