Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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