She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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