I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize