is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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