She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
