I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
