I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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