I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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