I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Drunk is not a location!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
