i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
