Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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