Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
