A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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