Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
