ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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