If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
