i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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