Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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