party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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