Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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